FAMILY PURITY
Orthodox:
Tohoros ha-mishpocho, (family purity.) Far from being an out-moded anachronism of the Talmudic period, it is
a concept that is very much alive in religious Judaism today.
The Torah prohibits sexual relations between husband and wife for a full seven – day period, starting to count
from the beginning of her monthly period. The wife is considered Niddah = separated or removed. By rabbinic
edict, the Talmud extended the period of separation to seven more days after the termination of the period.
Which makes the separation last an average of 12 days (5 days of the period + seven clean days). (Why the
extension =controversy) The Rabbis have created through the centuries a vast array of rules or barriers
(Syagim) to help a husband and wife not forget themselves during the period of separation. For example, not
to sleep on a king size bed, but in two individual beds, so one can separate them during the time the wife is
niddah. The Halakha states, "the husband is not allowed to hand her anything, nor to receive anything from
her hand." The couple is not allowed to sit in the same couch unless there is something in between them, not
to eat in the same table, and not to drink from the same cup, etc. (Those rules also add to the excitement of
waiting for when the couple can be together again, by remaining constantly the couple that they are forbidden
to each other).
It is the sole responsibility of the woman to count the days and immerse herself in the Mikvah -after nightfall-
to become sexually available again. Before the immersion there is a whole ritual that consists of a thorough
cleansing, bathing, combing, cutting of nails, removing of nail polish etc. The rules and regulations of how to
clean oneself are numerous to the point of absurdity, but the point is to be and feel clean, holy, and joyful to
go back to one’s husband.
The first time a woman immerses herself is before her wedding day to be ready for her new husband.
It is written that a woman should not delay her immersion, but in today’s world --working women and modern
Mikvah ladies-- where one needs an appointment, it can happen.
According to the Torah, a woman is also considered niddah for 7 days following the birth of a son, and for 14
days following the birth of a daughter. In any case "the seven clean days" are counted after that period, and
then the woman immerses herself in the Mikvah to become sexually active again. (A mikvah is a gathering of
natural waters also called living waters. For more details see the reform section. )
Nevertheless, for some unknown reason it became a widespread custom to wait 40 days to go to the Mikvah
after the birth of a son, and 80 days after the birth of a daughter. This custom however is not binding
everywhere.
Contemporary, the laws of family purity are very neglected, because there are many issues and controversies
related to this practice, which our Sages explain has little to do with hygiene and every thing to do with
holiness. Still, with all the overlay of rabbinical rules, the practice becomes very inconvenient and even
deeming to women. Or may be, we could just return to the practice without following all the rules of the
Rabbis??
Reform:
Religious Judaism and liturgic Hebrew have no word for sex. Concepts of sex, sexual relations, and sexual
activity, exclusive of biblical passages of physical relations, center around family life and the covenant of
marriage. These matters are referred to as tohoros ha-mishpacha, (family purity.) Far from being an
out-moded anachronism of the Talmudic period, it is a concept that is very much alive in religious Judaism
today. The sexual nature of man is recognized within Judaism, which makes no attempts to emphasize or
deny it. There is negative acknowledgment for both the sybarite who indulges in hedonism and for the ascetic
who practices celibacy. Judaism seeks to sanctify sexuality within the framework of marriage. The very first
positive precept found in the Bible is pruhurvu, (go forth and multiply.) This is meant in a framework of
marriage and sanctity, and it overtly acknowledges the physical drives of man. Tohoros ha-mishpacha
consists of the regulations governing conjugal relationships within a marriage. Without going into great depth,
there are three areas or categories that involve family purity: niddah, tevilah, and mikvah.
Niddah
Niddah consists of the laws applying to the menstrual woman and are found in the Pentateuch. These
regulations cover two areas: ritual defilement and moral purity. The former are no longer in effect, but the latter
are still heavily emphasized. The laws of niddah forbid physical intimacy between husband and wife during her
menstrual cycle. Insofar as they deal with human physiology, they are quite detailed.
Tevilah
Following the menstrual period, a woman is required to immerse herself. This is tevilah. This occurs following
seven "clean" days after the women's last menstrual flow. A woman who does not ritually immerse herself is
considered still subject to the laws of niddah. A complete immersion is involved, which takes place at a
mikvah. (A mikvah is a gathering of waters for ritual immersion.) As mentioned, human sexuality is not
negated in Judaism but rather, is considered within the religious and spiritual realm. It is looked upon
favorably, and both husband and wife are biblically and rabbinically prohibited from using sex as a "weapon"
when marital discord occurs.
Mikvah
The mikvah is as old as the Five Books of Moses and it is mentioned there as a means of attaining ritual
purity and cleanness from impurity derived from unclean objects or circumstances. Mikvahs have always been
established in Jewish communities, even under the most repressive of conditions (excavations at the desert
fortress Masada have revealed their construction and use there.) Extant European mikvahs date back to the
twelfth century. The water of a mikvah has to come from a natural spring or river; the water must be running
water, not drawn; the spiritual aspect of the waters lose their effectiveness if poured into a vessel. Every
modem city presents its own set of Jewish and municipal legal problems in the construction and use of a
mikvah.
